:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
