She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
