I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
