We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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