I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize