in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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