I hate your face
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
