I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
