I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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