He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You are the jesus of drinking
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
