Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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