I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
