Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
