I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
