Your face is a jimmy john
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
