When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
