Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
