Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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