Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
