if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
