u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
