So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
