The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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