hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
