explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did I show you my penis last night?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
