He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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