george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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