I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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