How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
