Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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