the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
