I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
