So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
zippers are such a cool invention
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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