I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize