i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
