and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
