Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
