my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
