Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
