I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
