oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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