It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
