Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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