I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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