He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
