All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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