And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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