Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
