sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
