Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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