Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
