my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
