I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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