I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love having hate sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
