in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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