Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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