seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
