dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
