Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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