Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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