I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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