Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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