But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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