Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
