now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
