Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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