OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize