rhymes with "ouble enetration"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
