I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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