i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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