Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was born a porn star she said
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
