Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Randomize
