I cockslap morals
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
