He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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