Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
