The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize
