so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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