I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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