Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
