the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
