oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Less talking, more tequila
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
