The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
