Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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