I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
