So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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