I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
